I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
