dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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