i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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