New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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