..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
