PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
