Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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