There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize