My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She needs sedatives and a leash
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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