She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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