just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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