haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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