I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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