I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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