forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
