No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
