what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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