It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
