eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
