Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
