dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
