I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's paint friendship bongs
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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