he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
