She's JV to your varsity
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
