...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
