Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
