i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
