after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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