So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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