grandma shit on top of the toilet
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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