I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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