she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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