eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
