I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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