party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
