So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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