I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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