Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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