Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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