look no pants
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
