Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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