Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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