U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
