Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
