I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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