well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
