dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
