Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
