just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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