I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
