Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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