I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We have started to decorate penises.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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