He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
