Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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