how can u be prego again
Don't make out with my wife yet
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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