saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
