Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
