At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
this is an emotional support booty call
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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