Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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