It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
