Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
