I wish I only lived at night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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