she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
