Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
