I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
