Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
