my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
