I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
