I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
