Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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