that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
