Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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