If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
